Four years ago in Hawaii I ran a 15.6 mile race. It took me exactly two hours, fifty four minutes and fourteen seconds. (I am not the swiftest of runners). That’s almost three hours of running. And today folks, today, I ventured out for my first run in a long while and I could hardly muster 15 minutes. Not even two miles! Lordy, how the body changes. As I chugged along, huffing and puffing, thighs rubbing together, slight stich in my side, I wondered how in God’s name I managed to run 15 miles.
My goal was 20 minutes, because let’s face it, I knew it was gonna be rough. It’s been months since I laced up and hit the dirt road on a regular basis. Start nice and easy, nice and slow I told myself. Twenty minutes is a good, realistic goal at this point in time. No judgment. I checked my run tracker, as that 20 minute mark felt like it was closing in (and boy was I ready to slow to a walk), only to see the numbers 11:41 on the screen. WHAT!? my mind screamed. COME AGAIN? 11:41?? That’s it?? My twenty minute goal seemed a lifetime away.
Frustrating. Humbling. Yes and yes.
Just make it to fifteen minutes, I told myself, and walk the final five. You have to begin somewhere.
So I did just that, and as I walked the final five mentally beating myself up, I recognized that I ran fifteen minutes longer than the day before. And heck, that was worth celebrating! My body was pulsing, my skin glowed with sweat and I felt that surge of endorphins after a run that I love. And those feelings were worth celebrating! Those feelings are why I run. If I know anything to be true lately (Thank you Danielle Laporte and the Desire Map), “Knowing how you want to FEEL is the most potent clarity you can have.” Forget the other stuff. Forget the time on your run tracker.
How do you want to feel? Let THAT drive you. Let that help you create your goals. Particularly when you’re beginning something again.
And give yourself permission to begin again. Whatever that might be for you. Running, working out, writing, dating, crafting. That project you started and then got too busy to finish. The project sitting in your drawer (or your mind) for years. Or heck, maybe it’s bigger than that. Maybe you’re contemplating a move, a new job, a major life change.
However big or small, there is courage in beginning again. And go easy on yourself when you’re shaking off the rust. Laugh at yourself. Embrace the process.
And by all means, take time to celebrate the little victories along the way.
So I say, 11:41, thank you for making me feel ALIVE 🙂
