My 30 day yoga challenge is going awesome. My 30 day writing challenge……..uh yeah, totally dropped the ball and got lazy. However, I had a lovely weekend full of good friends, yoga, wine and sunshine! (Seriously, Mr. Sun where have you BEEN for two weeks?!? Not cool).
So I am going to liken this break in my blog commitment to falling out of a balance pose. Just take a breath, and get right back into it.
I came across this last night:
I’m not feeling you here Pema.
When I am practicing yoga regularly, my life is just hands down, all around better. I am a better person. I feel better. I am lighter, less critical, less judgmental of self and others, I laugh more. I feel physically strong. I sleep well. I handle life’s daily challenges with a more peaceful mind.
That is why I practice yoga.
I began to think about why I am doing this challenge. What motivated me to do this, besides the good price tag for a month of yoga that I saw on the sign when I walked into the studio. I’m doing it because it’s on my bucket list. Because I want to strengthen my core and get in better shape. Because I’m in the midst of a transition and I have time to do it, and I know it will help move me gracefully and mindfully through this time of change. Because I just want to see how I feel after doing yoga every day for 30 days. Because I want to see if repetition will actually improve my postures like teachers always say it will. Because yoga just makes me BETTER!
Hmmmm. Hold up. I am seeing the word “better” and “improve” a lot here. And Pema is saying that the desire to improve or become better is pointless, because it is a “subtle aggression” against who you really are, against what actually IS, against who you are when you show up to the mat.
Do you ever feel that? You show up to yoga class in a negative mood and leave in a totally positive one? Some breathing and moving and sweating just flipped the switch and fixed you all up?
So what’s so wrong with that Pema? We all have our forms of release and relaxation. Cooking, running, knitting, fishing, yoga. If it makes us feel better what’s the problemo? What’s so wrong with wanting to be a better version of YOU? Of improving? Being the best YOU you can be? Isn’t that what we all strive for in our lives?
Of course it is.
I’m highly confident that Pema is not against this notion, but I think what she IS saying is that in order to authentically grow and improve, we must accept the person that shows up at the mat, before, during AND after practice. It’s ALL you. And it’s all worth loving and exploring. All those feelings of frustration, annoyance, heartbreak, pain, confusion, comparison, lack of control. Whatever it is. The feelings that we try to push away or try to “fix” are probably the feelings we need to really sit with for awhile. They are here to teach us.
Of course, this manifests in the actual physical act of yoga as well, and I think that’s why this passage resonated with me right now. As I go deeper into this 30 day commitment, and deeper into my yoga postures, I am finding some uncomfortable spots. Pigeon pose, for example, I LOVE it, it feels amazing. But I’m pushing into it deeper these days to a point of discomfort, where my mind is screaming at my teacher to not hold it so DAMN LONG. And we’re not talking terrible, shooting pain here people, just discomfort. “Hurts so good” pain. Obviously my body, my hips, need this pose right now. Usually, the poses we are dreading are the ones we need the most. Mmmm, funny how that works isn’t it?
It’s good to take stock of the things and feelings in our lives that we are avoiding. Befriend those feelings. Befriend the person you are when you’re not at what you feel is your best. And don’t judge. Not being at your best is not “bad.” It’s just where you are. Just observe those feelings. Be still with them. Let them teach you. Let them motivate you. Embrace and be grateful for all the complexities that make up YOU.
